Jitka Hatinová is a proud Romani woman who is forty-five years old and comes from a small town called Cerhovice, near Beroun. Jitka is in a heterosexual relationship - marriage, but she gave us an interview from her parent’s view. Jitka's original profession was a nurse, but she soon found out that she had idealized this profession and it was not for her. At the elementary school in Žebrák, the opportunity arose to work as a teaching assistant in the school club. It did not take long and Jitka became the head educator, and on the recommendation of the principal, she decided to graduate at university. She went on to study for a master's degree in special pedagogy and then completed a study in speech therapy at Charles University.

Since 2015, she has been working in the Kolping family Smečno as a consultant for families with children with neuromuscular diseases and works in 6-8 regions. She currently runs two counselling centres for carers in the Beroun and Hořovice regions. Jitka likes to travel and discover new cultures, she loves cooking for her loved ones, she likes to go to nature or swim, but most of all she likes to be with her family.

Daughter Natálie studied at the secondary school of education. At seventeen she found a part-time job in a famous restaurant where she met her colleague Anet. They hit it off immediately and became good friends. Anet had worked in the restaurant for a long time, so she learned many new things from her. It made her work easy and together they had a great atmosphere in the workplace. Jitka noticed that she spent most of her time with her new friend. She knew Aneta because she had lived with her former school colleague for several years. Natalie shared her work experiences with her mother, talking about what new things she had tasted, how many guests she had served that day, etc. Jitka noticed how she would come home all lit up with a smile on her face and whenever she talked about Anet, she would blush slightly and sparkle even more. A thought ran through her head, wondering if there was something more than friendship between them.

Natalie had had a two-year heterosexual relationship with a boy in the past that worked long distance.

One day Jitka came to pick up her daughter at work. She and Anet greeted each other warmly and she told her how happy she was that Natálka was her colleague. For the first time, Jitka had the opportunity to observe their interaction and communication, which was marked by the loving sparkle of two beings in love. At home, they discussed their experiences from work.

The relationship between the mother and the two daughters was always open and friendly. They loved to tell each other stories and the daughters jokingly call these nice moments together "Couch session with mom". There was no reason to beat around the bush, so Jitka asked Natálka straight out if they were dating and how things were between them. Natálka cried. As Jitka said, "I felt that it was suddenly very hard for her as a daughter to talk to me about it. At first she didn't want to talk about it at all. Maybe she felt a sense of shame, she didn't want to share her intimate needs with me - she was uncomfortable. At the same time, I knew how important it actually was for her that I was here at this moment, and I could feel her need in that - to be quiet together."

Then the ice broke and Natalie began to talk about her feelings. She said that she didn't really know what it was like, that she herself didn't understand her feelings. She cried and felt the need to repeat that she wasn't a lesbian, but that she just liked some girls sometimes and didn't know why. She explained to her mom that gender doesn't play a role with her, that what matters to her is how she feels about the other person. She said that she was very nice with Anet, that they understood each other and that she had exactly the qualities that she would want and expect from a partner. Although Jitka had suspected this, she was surprised by the reality itself. It took about a week for everything to sink in and she admits that she cried for the first two days.

She described her feelings: "I was seized with a terrible and indescribable fear. Suddenly I began to worry about her again, as I did when she was a child. It wasn't that I was unhappy or angry at her or ashamed that she was a lesbian or that I wanted to deny that reality. I was really scared! I felt the need to protect her again, but there was no reason to. There was no imminent danger anywhere, but for days I kept running through my head how hard she was going to have it"!

She couldn't help feeling and worrying that Natálka would face double discrimination. She was afraid that it would be even harder for Cera, because being Roma and lesbian is not easy. In the end, it was her daughter who had it all sorted out in her head. She told her mother that she didn't care how it would be perceived by the people around her, that she wasn't doing anything wrong. She stated that if someone doesn't treat her nicely, she won't deal with that person because that's their way and she doesn't need to prove or explain anything to anyone. She further told her mother that she is definitely not the only one in her class or at school and that she has many friends around her who have girlfriends and are genuinely happy together. In the end, it was Natálka, with her youthful perspective, who helped her mother to see the whole situation through her eyes.

In Jitka's family, and even in the wider family, the relationship with LGBTQ+ people is very open. Jitka and her brother's childhood best friend and also their wedding best man is gay and it was Jitka who was there for his coming out. She was one of the first people he confided his feelings to and she supported him. They have several queer couples among their friends/friends as family and generally find the existence of LGBTQ+ people a perfectly natural part of modern human society.

As far as the extended family has embraced it well too. The introduction took place at Natalie's 18th birthday party. However, Jitka advised her daughter to tell her family about Anet before the actual celebration. She felt it would be better if others were prepared so they had time to deal with it and absorb it. It was important for Jitka to tell her grandparents, aunts and uncles in particular, because going to "that little girl" on her eighteenth birthday was already emotional enough for them personally. Jitka didn't want to embarrass them unnecessarily. A grandchild's adulthood is perhaps a more important milestone in their grandparents' lives than it is for their parents.

Jitka concluded the interview by saying: "Once again I had the opportunity to remind myself how unconditional true love really is. How great the power of a mother's love is, how it makes no demands or conditions. How pure and natural it is. The fact that my daughter has a girlfriend doesn't change the fact that she is still my good Natalie, who is a true gift to us"! She added afterwards: "Every mom likes her current weakest cub best." This is not to say that Natálka was weaker than her sister or weaker because she is a lesbian, but at the time she felt she was more vulnerable and therefore more worried about her initially. "If this was my other daughter, I would feel exactly the same way!"

"Why should we idealise our children when we are not ideal ourselves."

Jitka offers support and a safe environment to parents going through the same situation.

If you are struggling with fear or don't know how to approach your current siuation, don't be afraid to contact Jitka. You can contact her via FB - Jitka Hatinová.